I forgive myself for allowing myself to allow a single event in the past to continue to run into my mind and create feelings of avoidance, guilt, embarassment, regret and judgement towards C.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that in this world, people respond with niceness and care when it comes to confrontations because this is what I have seen throughout my life and therefore assumed that in the real world it will be the same.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to judge someone as being a 'racist' and non-compassionate because of the words and actions they participated in, not looking at the context to see if their point was valid or not because I assumed that judging is a bad thing and that they should not be judging others.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to take things personally when a coworker was trying to just defend her point of view regarding ethnicities about the way she sees things based on her ideas and perceptions- where she would bring up points that are valid for her that do not necessarily reflect the truth.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to read in between the lines whenever I see my coworkers quietly talk with one another, assuming that they are talking negatively about me.
I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel like a victim in all situations at work, via my participation in keeping quiet as opposed to standing up and telling them what I feel and think whenever I feel that I am doing more than my share.
When and as I see myself experiencing emotions at work due to coworkers talking to each other, I pause and I breathe. I instantly tell myself that this emotions are simply based on what my mind is perceiving and do not depict the actual reality of the situation. I correct this to switching the mindset from feeling like a victim to saying : "I will not allow my mind to make preconceived judgements about anything because that is simply fueling energy for the mind to exist."
When and as I see myself judging someone else, I pause and I breathe. I immediately tell myself that judging someone is simply starting off from wanting to believe that I am right, therefore feeding my ego, and therefore this discussion will simply be a battle between defending 2 egos as opposed to practically listening to the other person and simply understanding from where they are coming from. I commit to being in the present via actively listening to the words and sentences the other coworker says and not allowing my mind to form any sorts of internal backchat and judgements about them. When the person is done talking, then that conversation is brought to an end and I continue to do my work duties.
When and as I see myself not understanding why everyone can't just be nice or make an effort to get along, I stop and I breathe. I realize that we all come from our own internal battles and that manifests in the actual world through our words and deeds. I also realize that this perception of wanting everyone to be nice to one another is simply another way to tell myself that I do not want to confront and stand up to others because I hate fights. I realize that by keeping quiet and not participating in other people's actions/deeds that I am in fact not allowing their pattern and behavior to influence me. I therefore commit to whenever being faced with condescending remarks or complaints from coworkers to breathe, and not allow myself to suck up to them or curse them internally as doing so means participating in the polarity construct. Instead, I pause, breathe and remain silent as a way to not allow my participation in something that does not promote what is best for all.
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