Coworker's negative behavior affecting me

A few days ago, an incident happened at work that got me really disgusted and fustrated with a specific coworker. A patient had drowned and they ended up in the Emergency Dept at the hospital I work at. The health care professionals were doing all they could to resuscitate the person. Our task in this was to analyze this patient's sample as fast as possible and phone the doctor and give them results.

It happened to be that we were getting numerous samples one after the other from the patient and this particular hospital I work at is  not defined as a trauma center where trauma cases as such are usually seen.
Having done my training at a trauma center, I was well aware of how to deal with these kinds of situations as they arise because at that training hospital I was told to work fast and accurately. However, my coworker that evening ended up getting really annoyed and fustrated as more and more samples from this patient came in. She told me that the doctors should really be considering transferring that patient elsewhere as we are not equipped to handle such cases. On one hand, she was right. On the other, patients need to be stabilized first before they are shipped to other hospitals and that was what the doctors and nurses were attempting to do.

My main concern that evening was 'why is this one coworker so annoyed everytime she sees a case like this?' She always seems to complain and question what other healthcare professionals seek for as opposed to just accepting orders and doing her job. It almost seemed as if she just didn't want to work for patients or she was doing her profession not from the standpoint of really wanting to help patients heal. And what if that patient happened to be her brother, how would she react to that?

I noticed I started to get really angry inside but didn't allow myself to force this anger on her because I know from experience it would end up being a gossip show where she would just end up gossiping about me to the whole world.  Instead, I just swallowed my anger and continued to work. Yesterday, I decided I was going my supervisor know about this incident because I felt that was taking 100% responsibility to at least spread the word out about attitudes and workplace.

I realized also that there were 2 main points that arose in this particular incident. I realized that I feared being gossiped about and because of that I didn't want to talk to the person to let her know how I felt. I also allowed my emotions to enslave me by reacting to the situation and experiencing all forms of emotions such as anger and fustration at this person.

Here is the self forgiveness in relation to this:

I forgive myself for allowing myself to allow backchats to influence me and render me silent, depressed, anxious and miserable. I realize that I have the power to stop backchats if I choose to do so.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear being not liked. I realize that by me fearing that that I end up moulding myself in a way to try to prevent people from disliking me and therefore not expressing myself completely, not living and breathing myself but existing for others as opposed to for myself. I now realize that by pretending to be someone else, I have also rendered myself as a victim and made my life more miserable by allowing emotions such as anger, pain, sorrow, frustration and bitterness to prevail. I realize that when I am moulding myself to express ‘someone else’ but me that the type of relationships I am creating with people is not the type I want to create as these people like the fake personality I am expressing as opposed to true being of me.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to fear gossip, thus making decisions in an attempt to avoid gossips as opposed to realizing that I have to do what is required and best for all. I now realize that gossip only reflects who one is as in one being a nasty person and has nothing to do with me. I forgive myself for allowing myself to not do ‘corrected reports’ at work because I fear that my supervisor  would go and tell the whole lab that I had made a mistake and gossip about it so that she can satisfy her own ego and personality design.  I realize that by not doing the ‘corrected report’ I have placed myself in a more vulnerable position with regards to my job security because I have not followed the procedures that the job required and instead tried to avoid having to confront my supervisor by not correcting the mistake. I realize that eventually the mistake was shown to me by my supervisor because she had fished through patient reports and saw the mistake I was trying to cover up and that is the consequence of me wanting to evade the situation at all cost. I forgive myself for allowing myself to get angry at the situation, at myself and at the boss for finding out about this mistake because of my fear of being gossiped about by her in the lab.  

 I forgive myself for allowing myself to be ruled by T who is another co-worker who tends to enjoy gossiping about other people. I realize that by me fuelling the gossip in an attempt to win her friendship that I am allowing the mind consciousness system to work as opposed to just stopping it by giving her mind and mine the energy to drive the gossip further.        

I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel bad whenever I bring something up to T regarding work to make sure we are delivery good patient care because she tends to get annoyed when people say something to her. I realize that when she gets annoyed I start feelings emotions of anger, panic, anxiety, fear, wanting to withdraw and resentment because I fear that she will judge me and start gossiping behind my back. I realize that her being annoyed is just part of who she exists as in her chosen personality. I realize also that I do not have any control over what she chooses to accept and allow and therefore if she reacts in a certain way, that is not grounds for me to taking her personally.